Repent or Run
Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be one of the disciples when Jesus was crucified? I found myself thinking of this quite a bit last year during Easter. To see one of your closest friends set off a string of events that leads to your leader’s crucifixion? To lose both a trusted friend and the man you thought would save the world? The grief in this story is undeniable for all the parties involved, but the way they navigated that grief is something we can learn from in our own lives.
The betrayal of Judas was deep and personal to Jesus. He knew it would come, but I doubt that made it any easier to handle. In fact, right before it happens we see Jesus praying to God in the garden, asking for a way out. In his humanity he experienced fear and betrayal as we would, but relented to the will of God in order to cover all us in his sacrifice.
I wrestle with the story of Judas. As we read his story we are able to understand that he premeditated the betrayal of Jesus from a place of greed. He sold out his boss for a sum of money, but I wonder if he knew what was going to happen. I wonder if he thought Jesus would be able to get himself out of this scrape like he did all the others, and that’s why he frantically ran back to the elders trying to return the money.
This might be a “hot take”, but I don’t think he realized the domino effect his actions would have, and he panicked.
He couldn’t face his band of brothers after betraying their leader, and he couldn’t take back his actions. Faced with the consequences of his sin, he was crushed beneath the shame of his actions and took his own life as his own punishment. I often wonder how Judas’s story may have been different if he had gone to the disciples and begged for forgiveness. If he had trusted them with his deepest shame, and been able to see the miraculous resurrection of Jesus.
In a nearly direct comparison, we have Peter. Whereas Judas’s sin was premeditated in order to increase his wealth, Peter’s was a gut reaction born of self preservation.
Jesus was about to be tortured and crucified before their eyes, and when asked if he was one of his followers, Peter’s immediate reaction was to distance himself from danger. But when Peter felt the weight of shame for denying his Lord, he pushed further into his ministry. He went back to his spiritual family to grieve with them, and when Jesus was raised from the dead he was one of the first ones to get the tomb for proof.
I can relate to both of these guys, and I’m sure you can too. Who among us hasn’t deliberately made the wrong choice because it got us what we wanted? And who among us hasn’t instinctually made the wrong choice because we were too scared of the right one?
The eternal consequence of all our sins is the same, whether you sentenced Jesus to death or just claimed you didn’t know him. Can you wrap your head around that? It is a hard pill to swallow. Without Jesus, the man sitting on death row will receive the same eternal consequence as the person who lied to their boss.
The question isn’t which sin category you fall into, but what do you do with your sin?
Do you run around behind the scenes trying to right your own mistakes? Trying to earn your way back into God’s good graces? Or do you take your sin to Jesus?
Only one of those ways leads to redemption. Only by submitting ourselves back to God, time and time again, pushing further into the ministry he’s given us, do we receive peace and a fresh start.
Over the next two weeks, you can find reflections here at vineyardrichmond.com. Use them to prompt yourself to focus on your faith in a fresh way. Each week we will consider a different theme as we build up to the resurrection event. On Mondays, we will draw your attention to a biblical focus on a character in the gospel accounts. On Wednesdays, we will reflect personally on how that theme affects our spiritual lives. On Fridays, we will focus outwardly as we consider how God is inviting us to engage the world around us for his kingdom. If what you are learning is meaningful to you, click one of the share buttons at the top of these posts to share it with your friends. Let this be a time of personal reflection and careful examination of our own hearts and minds.